Night that never ends

Lights. That were not that strobing but nice anw. Music. Loud blaring tones that leave you temp deaf. Drinks. Always needing more but there’s too little. Dance. I LOVE THE DANCEFLOOR. Someone to hold on to. And to go round with.

Night of loose morals is over.

If only I’ve got plenty of cash and time to spare, I’ll party the nights away. But freak it’s college app time and I think I’m very screwed D:

Oh wells. I just celebrated my A levels! 3 weeks later but :D life is complete. For now until college decisions! D: wtf leh 4 essays to go D:

Posted on March 24, 2012

So I’ve been thinking, (and we all know nothing good comes out of thinking)

About THE one. The soulmate, the other half, mr perfect, prince charming, chubby hubby, he who shall not be named, mr right, Edward Cullen, peeta, okay I’m going slightly off tangent, but you get what I mean.

And I’ve come to the conclusion that we all need someone that makes us feel loved, appreciated, special, needed, and most importantly, beautiful. Even at our worst moments, either being unglam or hurt or bitchy, that someone still accepts you in the most non judgmental way possible.

And then we all have this period of insecurity (which I don’t think ever stops omg) where we fret about such matters and worry about being lonely forever. I’m not even going to use the currently apparently very trendy phrase foreveralone, because, this just degrades the significance of the issue at hand. I mean, this is a very justified worry, as being lonely and unloved forever is simply an extremely scary thought. (and the fact that it has a high likelihood of 50% in today’s society doesn’t seem comforting at all) Who wants to live in a large house with all the money in the world but no one to share it with? And when I make casual remarks about never wanting to get married or that family is just inconsequential to me as compared to career, I’m just insecure about my uncertain future alright? Because I know I’m that much more likely to build myself a career rather than a family. And if given the choice, I’d much rather sacrifice career for family. Which is exactly what you did mom, that’s why I find it so heroic and I’d probably never match up. And also I don’t want you guys to see that I’m afraid of a certain permanent solitude.

Alright, so apparently I make the common female mistakes of never saying what I mean, in addition to never listening to others. Because I tell people I don’t mind working with everyone when all I want is to work with some, and that I don’t care, when I care so much that it hurts to admit it.

In addition, I just want to reiterate my point on how compliments are hard to come by. They are really hard to come by (unless you are super super awesome or attractive, then you get them all the time) that’s why I cherish them so much. (thanks to the guy in a pretty shirt who generously gave out his compliments, they are very much appreciated) But honestly, guys, telling girls that they are hot is not really a compliment. (unless they are looking for it then well I guess it suits their motives?) Girls just want to feel pretty alright? It doesn’t matter if they look less than perfect (screw societal and media portrayals of beauty and image), as long as you make them feel pretty then you are doing something right.

I have a theory that you can tell alot about a person from his/her fb profile pictures. That applies to blog posts as well. And I’ve realized sometimes the less I know about someone, the better. Maybe the fun lies in the intrigue and enigma of the person, but seriously, sometimes I wish I didn’t know stuff. Then I can go back to having a nice impression of you and life goes on. Or not.

I think I do need someone who is emotionally stable, because mine just flies up so high up and then crashes all the way down that I always need someone to pull me back down to earth. And sweet. And sort of shy in a boyish way but with the most gentlemanly manners ever. Or they can take lessons from my sistahhh. It’s not true that nice guys finish last.

I read somewhere that deep down, we are all possessive and selfish about the things we truly love. Which begets the question, what does love mean? Do we always wish nothing but the best for the ones we love? Or that we give and take and take and give? Or do our hearts skip a beat when they are near and then we gush when we think about possible futures?

I honestly don’t know what to do about my life, I’ve always assumed that somehow as time passes all the pieces would fall in place, but I guess right now it’s apparent nothing is ever going to happen. Rather than wallowing in self pity, I tried to convince myself of the insignificance of this with regard to the rest of my life, but I just can’t suppress those expectations and feelings.

Posted on March 14, 2012